I'm way behind on reading, so maybe you get to this in a later post, but how would you define forgiveness?
In my mind, forgiveness has nothing to do with consequences - I will never suggest any of us just let someone have the opportunity to harm us again just because it's the "right" thing to do. Sometimes we may set since boundaries and take a chance again, but that's entirely personal and on your own terms. Sometimes a relationship is just severed, and that's that.
But I do strive to forgive, eventually, in the idea of "letting go" for my own mental health. First, I have to process, to grieve, to rage, to cry ... It may take a while. But, eventually, I do try to let it go.
That said, I don't think forgiveness is one and done. One day, I may let go and forgive, and the next morning cry at the injustice of it all. For big issues, I find that I forgive, but then I am furious again, even years later. I generally let myself rage, and, when the anger has run it's course, let it go again until next time. There are certain situations that I think will continue this way for my whole life, although I do think the moments come less often.
This whole idea is a conversation in process in my head, so I'm not convinced of anything yet. But that's where I've landed for now. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Thank you for this thoughtful take. Forgiveness, indeed, can be fraught with obligation and a heaviness that comes with being told you should feel a certain way. Great post, my friend.
"That’s their burden, not yours" - I'm a pretty stubborn person and am not particularly quick to forgive. More often than not I just put it out of my mind and don't really think about it, but I wouldn't say it counts as forgiveness. is it weird to quote taylor swift and say "I burry hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em."
Ugh, forgiveness means you’re “all better”. Insert eye roll. This is the most frustrating leftover of the church in my life. Someone close to me said I hadn’t forgiven because I was still angry and triggered when old wounds came up. Forgiveness is a process, not a one time thing or a destination. Is it good to finally feel free like I do now? Yes. But it took a long time to get there, and people need to stop rushing it. Let people be angry about what happened to them. Let them work through the stages of grief, which are eerily similar of the stages of forgiveness.
Yes, I hate it. Like forgiveness is supposed to erase the bad thing completely? Doesn't that seem like a bad idea, especially if someone repeats the offense? Good on you for honoring your anger! It's there for a reason!
I'm way behind on reading, so maybe you get to this in a later post, but how would you define forgiveness?
In my mind, forgiveness has nothing to do with consequences - I will never suggest any of us just let someone have the opportunity to harm us again just because it's the "right" thing to do. Sometimes we may set since boundaries and take a chance again, but that's entirely personal and on your own terms. Sometimes a relationship is just severed, and that's that.
But I do strive to forgive, eventually, in the idea of "letting go" for my own mental health. First, I have to process, to grieve, to rage, to cry ... It may take a while. But, eventually, I do try to let it go.
That said, I don't think forgiveness is one and done. One day, I may let go and forgive, and the next morning cry at the injustice of it all. For big issues, I find that I forgive, but then I am furious again, even years later. I generally let myself rage, and, when the anger has run it's course, let it go again until next time. There are certain situations that I think will continue this way for my whole life, although I do think the moments come less often.
This whole idea is a conversation in process in my head, so I'm not convinced of anything yet. But that's where I've landed for now. I'd love to hear your thoughts!
you bring up a lot of interesting points, here. I'm hoping to get to some of this in a future post, so keep an eye out!
I saw the subject line of your newest post come in this morning! I haven't read it yet, but I'm super excited.
Yay!!!
Thank you for this thoughtful take. Forgiveness, indeed, can be fraught with obligation and a heaviness that comes with being told you should feel a certain way. Great post, my friend.
Aww thanks, Holly
"That’s their burden, not yours" - I'm a pretty stubborn person and am not particularly quick to forgive. More often than not I just put it out of my mind and don't really think about it, but I wouldn't say it counts as forgiveness. is it weird to quote taylor swift and say "I burry hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em."
LOL the wisdom of the Swift! Is she the grudge-holding queen we need in our age of too-quick forgiveness?
Ugh, forgiveness means you’re “all better”. Insert eye roll. This is the most frustrating leftover of the church in my life. Someone close to me said I hadn’t forgiven because I was still angry and triggered when old wounds came up. Forgiveness is a process, not a one time thing or a destination. Is it good to finally feel free like I do now? Yes. But it took a long time to get there, and people need to stop rushing it. Let people be angry about what happened to them. Let them work through the stages of grief, which are eerily similar of the stages of forgiveness.
Yes, I hate it. Like forgiveness is supposed to erase the bad thing completely? Doesn't that seem like a bad idea, especially if someone repeats the offense? Good on you for honoring your anger! It's there for a reason!