What beliefs have I deconstructed? I can think of two (they're kind of interrelated). The first one is the belief that I can provide my own security—with money, career, and careful planning. And the other is that I am in control of my happiness—that if I just do the right things, I will get what I want out of life. I’m right smack in middle age, and only now am I realizing that those beliefs aren’t quite working out. Sure, there’s a certain amount of basic security and happiness that’s within control, but beyond that, I am powerless. However much effort I put into those goals, the outcome will never be what I envisioned. It's become clear to me that there is another (larger and more mysterious) plan at work. And so I’ve learned to surrender my will and to trust that some greater power—call it God, or the cosmos—knows what it is doing with my life. Since then, I’ve begun to feel more at peace with myself, as if a burden has been lifted. I worry less, and I enjoy much more every present moment.
This is such a big and important shift, Franco. I think a big part of middle age is realizing we're not invincible and infinite. Some doors are just closed, and that's okay. I'm glad you've found peace with surrendering to a higher power--I'm still a work in progress on that front.
Happy to say hello and thank you for your honest words. I still consider myself a Christian but I'm not sure if others would agree!!! Suffering has probably caused me to question a lot of what I believed. Certainty is gone, the bible is under the microscope currently and if I'm honest I know I wont be satisfied by the answers to questions. I have loved so many parts about christianity , mostly the community and the sense of love and purpose. It has been a means of healing of my life but suffering has pulled back a curtain and the ground is pretty shaky beneath my feet.
Thanks, Jen! I relate to a lot of what you're saying. The problem of suffering is a big one that I'm not sure Christianity has dealt with in a satisfactory way. This is a big, meaty topic I'm looking forward to digging into.
I’ll answer your second question. In leaving fundamentalist and evangelical Christianity, I have always feared losing people. I feared losing a cultural context in which I knew exactly what to do. When I learned to comply with expectations, I gained the approval of a whole church full of people (literally--they stood up for me at my “proving”). I had cracked the cultural code. To leave means to risk abandonment.
I've somehow managed to remove most hints of the "Abrahamic Mythos" from my world. While taking chapters of it and others to paint a picture, that meets "my" needs.
Not really ,more of a gradual and general shift in thought patterns. Kind of like realizing that ,while I may not use algebra every day, the problem solving skills are quite handy. The past only exists as I remember it and the future never comes.
I don't have a lot to say here, as someone who never believed in a god despite church and Sunday School from the age of six to fourteen. And despite growing up in Northern Ireland. On our too brief meeting I considered you the funniest (as in humorous) Christian I had come across. I wondered how such things could be compatible, which I guess says something for my experience. I'll continue to read and follow with interest.
Thanks, James! I guess I've gone through a lot of disillusionment that you seemed to have skipped right over. I'm curious what that experience was like, being in church at such a young age and not believing. Did you feel certain, even as a kid?
I think I was a cynical, doubting child, both by inclination and upbringing. Not that I was taught to question, but the childhood circumstances for someone already so inclined encouraged that tendency. I was brought up until I was six by two rather superstitious elderly aunts. I couldn't help but see, little smart-ass that I must have been, that at least some of what they told me didn't add up. I saw no evidence, and saw they really hadn't any either, of the efficacy of premonitions, or of reading tea-leaves, or of the dead returning. It was a short step from there to applying the same doubting and questioning to what I was being told in church and Sunday School. It all seemed equally groundless. Religion was just another form of superstition: just a widely accepted form. Indeed I knew no-one who didn't at least pay lip-service to it, and many for whom it really was a form of 'truth'. That didn't make it truth.
I can also see that for a child with a different temperament this may have gone very differently.
Even now, above my email signature, is Nullius in verba... take nobody's word for it, or show me the evidence. It's the motto of the Royal Society (Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, those people) since 1660.
I am interested in religion, from a perspective of why people believe things for which there is clearly no evidence. Is it what I assume: wishful thinking, fear, and habit, and probably mostly habit? I see the same things in politics... the election that was 'stolen', Hillary Clinton's pizza parlour with paedophiles in the non-existent basement...
Why do people not ask for evidence? Why do they not question the authority and knowledge of those who tell them what to believe? In an age of TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, all the rest... is there not more need than ever to question and question and question and not accept without evidence? Without an attitude of Nullius in verba?
I think one of my sons has this sort of personality as well--he started telling his older brother two years ago that Santa wasn't real!
The issue of evidence is very pertinent. Where does it make sense to apply scientific standards of evidence, and where do scientific standards fall short of describing our experiences? It's important to distinguish between feelings and facts (i.e. the election wasn't stolen, even if some Trump supporters thought it was impossible for him to lose.) On the other hand, sometimes individuals or groups experience something spiritual which can be difficult to explain in scientific terms. Or maybe it's just that our brains are meaning-making machines.
Trying to apply scientific standards (just reason, really) would be saying that this is the truth based on what we have at this time. If more or different evidence becomes apparent then our explanation will change in response. It's the opposite of saying that the truth was revealed to me once and nothing you can show me will ever change my mind on that.
Well, of course we are meaning-making machines. How much more tempting (for some) to have some explanation, however weak, that just to have to exist in not knowing. Even if not knowing is our real position.
And experiencing something spiritual... I don't know what this is, beyond looking up dictionary definitions. I'm not trying to be clever or awkward. I really have no sense of what this would feel like. If it's a searching for answers to the why are we here?/what's it all about? questions that I understand people ask... I've never asked them. They have no meaning. They make no more sense than asking questions like what colour is happiness, or what is the smell of blue.
I think there is a vanity in expecting human lives to have a purpose. But if you start from a premise that a god made all this world, all the other worlds and stars and suns, all for humans, that this god is very concerned about our minutest activities, down to the thoughts in our heads and what we do with our genitals, then you would be in a pretty vain position to begin with.
Haha, preach, Brother Anderson! You always bring very interesting ideas and arguments.
Yes, I think whether one believes in god or not, accepting that we must live in uncertainty is key. The Christianity I was raised in was comforting in its certainty, but also stifling, like something that must be outgrown.
With my "something spiritual" comment, I meant more along the line of spiritual experiences--moments of profound realization, or moments where you feel connected to everything in the universe, or perhaps just moments of awe. I'm always interested when and how people experience these things. For my non-believing husband, it's in nature. For me, I have often felt these things in the rituals of the church, but also while watching very good theater ;)
As to your third point, maybe it is vain to "expect" a purpose, but I suspect this purpose-desire comes more from longing than entitlement.
Excellent post!
What beliefs have I deconstructed? I can think of two (they're kind of interrelated). The first one is the belief that I can provide my own security—with money, career, and careful planning. And the other is that I am in control of my happiness—that if I just do the right things, I will get what I want out of life. I’m right smack in middle age, and only now am I realizing that those beliefs aren’t quite working out. Sure, there’s a certain amount of basic security and happiness that’s within control, but beyond that, I am powerless. However much effort I put into those goals, the outcome will never be what I envisioned. It's become clear to me that there is another (larger and more mysterious) plan at work. And so I’ve learned to surrender my will and to trust that some greater power—call it God, or the cosmos—knows what it is doing with my life. Since then, I’ve begun to feel more at peace with myself, as if a burden has been lifted. I worry less, and I enjoy much more every present moment.
This is such a big and important shift, Franco. I think a big part of middle age is realizing we're not invincible and infinite. Some doors are just closed, and that's okay. I'm glad you've found peace with surrendering to a higher power--I'm still a work in progress on that front.
Happy to say hello and thank you for your honest words. I still consider myself a Christian but I'm not sure if others would agree!!! Suffering has probably caused me to question a lot of what I believed. Certainty is gone, the bible is under the microscope currently and if I'm honest I know I wont be satisfied by the answers to questions. I have loved so many parts about christianity , mostly the community and the sense of love and purpose. It has been a means of healing of my life but suffering has pulled back a curtain and the ground is pretty shaky beneath my feet.
Thanks, Jen! I relate to a lot of what you're saying. The problem of suffering is a big one that I'm not sure Christianity has dealt with in a satisfactory way. This is a big, meaty topic I'm looking forward to digging into.
I’ll answer your second question. In leaving fundamentalist and evangelical Christianity, I have always feared losing people. I feared losing a cultural context in which I knew exactly what to do. When I learned to comply with expectations, I gained the approval of a whole church full of people (literally--they stood up for me at my “proving”). I had cracked the cultural code. To leave means to risk abandonment.
I think you've nailed it, Carrie. There's a safety to fitting in to a place, even if it is a place that does not ultimately serve you.
Beautifully written.
Thanks, Gabi!
Dear Katy, You are such a talented writer. I really enjoy your articles. Good job, as always.
thanks, Kim!
I've somehow managed to remove most hints of the "Abrahamic Mythos" from my world. While taking chapters of it and others to paint a picture, that meets "my" needs.
interesting. Was that a difficult shift for you?
Not really ,more of a gradual and general shift in thought patterns. Kind of like realizing that ,while I may not use algebra every day, the problem solving skills are quite handy. The past only exists as I remember it and the future never comes.
Thank you. I'm pondering.
I don't have a lot to say here, as someone who never believed in a god despite church and Sunday School from the age of six to fourteen. And despite growing up in Northern Ireland. On our too brief meeting I considered you the funniest (as in humorous) Christian I had come across. I wondered how such things could be compatible, which I guess says something for my experience. I'll continue to read and follow with interest.
Thanks, James! I guess I've gone through a lot of disillusionment that you seemed to have skipped right over. I'm curious what that experience was like, being in church at such a young age and not believing. Did you feel certain, even as a kid?
I think I was a cynical, doubting child, both by inclination and upbringing. Not that I was taught to question, but the childhood circumstances for someone already so inclined encouraged that tendency. I was brought up until I was six by two rather superstitious elderly aunts. I couldn't help but see, little smart-ass that I must have been, that at least some of what they told me didn't add up. I saw no evidence, and saw they really hadn't any either, of the efficacy of premonitions, or of reading tea-leaves, or of the dead returning. It was a short step from there to applying the same doubting and questioning to what I was being told in church and Sunday School. It all seemed equally groundless. Religion was just another form of superstition: just a widely accepted form. Indeed I knew no-one who didn't at least pay lip-service to it, and many for whom it really was a form of 'truth'. That didn't make it truth.
I can also see that for a child with a different temperament this may have gone very differently.
Even now, above my email signature, is Nullius in verba... take nobody's word for it, or show me the evidence. It's the motto of the Royal Society (Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, those people) since 1660.
I am interested in religion, from a perspective of why people believe things for which there is clearly no evidence. Is it what I assume: wishful thinking, fear, and habit, and probably mostly habit? I see the same things in politics... the election that was 'stolen', Hillary Clinton's pizza parlour with paedophiles in the non-existent basement...
Why do people not ask for evidence? Why do they not question the authority and knowledge of those who tell them what to believe? In an age of TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, all the rest... is there not more need than ever to question and question and question and not accept without evidence? Without an attitude of Nullius in verba?
I think one of my sons has this sort of personality as well--he started telling his older brother two years ago that Santa wasn't real!
The issue of evidence is very pertinent. Where does it make sense to apply scientific standards of evidence, and where do scientific standards fall short of describing our experiences? It's important to distinguish between feelings and facts (i.e. the election wasn't stolen, even if some Trump supporters thought it was impossible for him to lose.) On the other hand, sometimes individuals or groups experience something spiritual which can be difficult to explain in scientific terms. Or maybe it's just that our brains are meaning-making machines.
Trying to apply scientific standards (just reason, really) would be saying that this is the truth based on what we have at this time. If more or different evidence becomes apparent then our explanation will change in response. It's the opposite of saying that the truth was revealed to me once and nothing you can show me will ever change my mind on that.
Well, of course we are meaning-making machines. How much more tempting (for some) to have some explanation, however weak, that just to have to exist in not knowing. Even if not knowing is our real position.
And experiencing something spiritual... I don't know what this is, beyond looking up dictionary definitions. I'm not trying to be clever or awkward. I really have no sense of what this would feel like. If it's a searching for answers to the why are we here?/what's it all about? questions that I understand people ask... I've never asked them. They have no meaning. They make no more sense than asking questions like what colour is happiness, or what is the smell of blue.
I think there is a vanity in expecting human lives to have a purpose. But if you start from a premise that a god made all this world, all the other worlds and stars and suns, all for humans, that this god is very concerned about our minutest activities, down to the thoughts in our heads and what we do with our genitals, then you would be in a pretty vain position to begin with.
I wrote that a little hurriedly... there are a few typos... 'than' just to have... and sounds more abrupt (preachy?) than I intended.
Haha, preach, Brother Anderson! You always bring very interesting ideas and arguments.
Yes, I think whether one believes in god or not, accepting that we must live in uncertainty is key. The Christianity I was raised in was comforting in its certainty, but also stifling, like something that must be outgrown.
With my "something spiritual" comment, I meant more along the line of spiritual experiences--moments of profound realization, or moments where you feel connected to everything in the universe, or perhaps just moments of awe. I'm always interested when and how people experience these things. For my non-believing husband, it's in nature. For me, I have often felt these things in the rituals of the church, but also while watching very good theater ;)
As to your third point, maybe it is vain to "expect" a purpose, but I suspect this purpose-desire comes more from longing than entitlement.