Thank you for calling this out! I grew up within a culture that had Butker’s mentality too. It’s long past time we dump that antiquated ideology by the wayside.
Very true--modern Christianity tends to make an idol out the nuclear family, maybe as a way of minimizing the importance of the village and instead focusing on individualism.
I haven't read that DBB book, throwing it in my TBR!
I’d argue that it’s a slippery slope to put individualism (which includes the right to true agency) as the opposite of the village. Rather I’d suggest that it is the economics of capitalism that promotes the nuclear family to the detriment of the people in that family.
The “village” after all is bigger than even the idea of the importance of an extended and diverse family unit (an idea I strongly believe btw), it also promotes community….and community combined with agency becomes …. Change- something the economic machine does not want.
I’m a stay at home mom but for most of my life I never even wanted to have a child. Regarding the domestic household duties this is quite interesting.
I hadn’t really considered when the concept of domestic maintenance became women’s perceived role but I have considered the fact that I’ve always assumed that it was assigned to women by men because it’s work that even stupid people can do (so I’ve always internalized the idea that men assigned this to women because they think women are stupid.)
Sometimes I like to examine a personal assumption by Googling it- where might I have gotten this idea? (I guess I should note I’m 47 so I don’t always remember where concepts came from) In this case it was Betty Friedan- so feminist writing actually rather than the Patriarchy 🤷♀️
Just to clarify, which part came from Betty Friedan? The idea that men assigned this work to women or the idea that men think women are stupid? (I've had "The Feminine Mystique" on my Kindle for 2 years but haven't cracked it yet!)
It's so interesting to examine these thoughts. I think a lot of men, when pressed, would say they don't think women are inherently stupider or that domestic work is unimportant, but their actions tend to betray their values.
So obviously now I can’t find it- and I haven’t read the Feminine Mystique either. I was Googling something along the lines of “shouldn’t housework be mindless” to address my inner critic. (i berate myself while doing domestic chores because in order to do them properly I have to pay attention but I BELIEVE that I should be able to complete them in a trance state like the one when you are driving and reach your destination with no memory of your trip- so I believe something is wrong with me.) The quote I found was essentially saying that limiting oneself to child rearing and house keeping was really only appropriate to women of low IQ.
interesting! And hard relate to your random google searches. I wonder if there's something to be gained from both mindful and mindless housework. Sometimes it's in mindfulness that I notice my trains of thought and am able to latch onto interesting ideas? Vacuuming is great for me because I can't hear anything else!
Excellent post! Everyone thinks these things are biblical and they are not. Gah! How many talks (not sermons, of course) did I hear about the Proverbs 31 Woman that were this Evangelical/Fundamentalisr version of the rad trad Catholic interpretation of 19th century moral/cultural codes. I read a biography/history about Veuve Cliquot that talked about how the Napoleonic Household Codes completely changed the economy and basically forced higher class women into domesticity. I love your reminder to learn from history. And from Jesus! (The Widow Clicquot: The Story of a Champagne Empire and the Woman Who Ruled It https://a.co/d/ezJRPuP )
oooh thanks for the book rec, I'm putting it on my TBR list. Have you read Rachel Held Evans' book, "A Year of Biblical Womanhood"? She does a great job debunking the whole P31 woman.
And I bet those alewives were brewing Bud Light too. 😉 If Butker was around in Jesus' time, he would have been standing there stone in hand waiting to throw it at the woman caught in adultery. And Jesus would have been writing in the dirt: "Note to self. Next important kick goes wide right."
“dusting baseboards or driving Timmy to Mandarin class” lol. The third book you should give Butler is the Bible 😂
Thank you for calling this out! I grew up within a culture that had Butker’s mentality too. It’s long past time we dump that antiquated ideology by the wayside.
If a “nuclear family “ is so important, where are Jesus’ wife and offspring?
Jesus and 12 men and Mary Magdalene is a very different family configuration.
And clearly Mary is a disciple.
I recommend listening to Diana Butler Bass’ talk on All the Marys
Mary the Tower has been hiding in plain sight
Very true--modern Christianity tends to make an idol out the nuclear family, maybe as a way of minimizing the importance of the village and instead focusing on individualism.
I haven't read that DBB book, throwing it in my TBR!
I’d argue that it’s a slippery slope to put individualism (which includes the right to true agency) as the opposite of the village. Rather I’d suggest that it is the economics of capitalism that promotes the nuclear family to the detriment of the people in that family.
The “village” after all is bigger than even the idea of the importance of an extended and diverse family unit (an idea I strongly believe btw), it also promotes community….and community combined with agency becomes …. Change- something the economic machine does not want.
I’m a stay at home mom but for most of my life I never even wanted to have a child. Regarding the domestic household duties this is quite interesting.
I hadn’t really considered when the concept of domestic maintenance became women’s perceived role but I have considered the fact that I’ve always assumed that it was assigned to women by men because it’s work that even stupid people can do (so I’ve always internalized the idea that men assigned this to women because they think women are stupid.)
Sometimes I like to examine a personal assumption by Googling it- where might I have gotten this idea? (I guess I should note I’m 47 so I don’t always remember where concepts came from) In this case it was Betty Friedan- so feminist writing actually rather than the Patriarchy 🤷♀️
Just to clarify, which part came from Betty Friedan? The idea that men assigned this work to women or the idea that men think women are stupid? (I've had "The Feminine Mystique" on my Kindle for 2 years but haven't cracked it yet!)
It's so interesting to examine these thoughts. I think a lot of men, when pressed, would say they don't think women are inherently stupider or that domestic work is unimportant, but their actions tend to betray their values.
So obviously now I can’t find it- and I haven’t read the Feminine Mystique either. I was Googling something along the lines of “shouldn’t housework be mindless” to address my inner critic. (i berate myself while doing domestic chores because in order to do them properly I have to pay attention but I BELIEVE that I should be able to complete them in a trance state like the one when you are driving and reach your destination with no memory of your trip- so I believe something is wrong with me.) The quote I found was essentially saying that limiting oneself to child rearing and house keeping was really only appropriate to women of low IQ.
interesting! And hard relate to your random google searches. I wonder if there's something to be gained from both mindful and mindless housework. Sometimes it's in mindfulness that I notice my trains of thought and am able to latch onto interesting ideas? Vacuuming is great for me because I can't hear anything else!
Excellent post! Everyone thinks these things are biblical and they are not. Gah! How many talks (not sermons, of course) did I hear about the Proverbs 31 Woman that were this Evangelical/Fundamentalisr version of the rad trad Catholic interpretation of 19th century moral/cultural codes. I read a biography/history about Veuve Cliquot that talked about how the Napoleonic Household Codes completely changed the economy and basically forced higher class women into domesticity. I love your reminder to learn from history. And from Jesus! (The Widow Clicquot: The Story of a Champagne Empire and the Woman Who Ruled It https://a.co/d/ezJRPuP )
oooh thanks for the book rec, I'm putting it on my TBR list. Have you read Rachel Held Evans' book, "A Year of Biblical Womanhood"? She does a great job debunking the whole P31 woman.
I have! Eshet Chayil!
The constant shifting of the target is exhausting. Whenever you think you are getting close they move it.
Exactly!
And I bet those alewives were brewing Bud Light too. 😉 If Butker was around in Jesus' time, he would have been standing there stone in hand waiting to throw it at the woman caught in adultery. And Jesus would have been writing in the dirt: "Note to self. Next important kick goes wide right."
Ha!
Lol