More Information Won't Save Us

uncertainty, week 2

In 1965, a team of scientists played a mean trick on their test subjects. The subjects were, ostensibly, in the lab to study how often their minds drifted from the task at hand—in this case, pressing a button when they heard a certain tone. But, in the middle of the experiment, the scientists played part of an “urgent” news bulletin about a fictional military disaster in Vietnam which would necessitate many more young people being drafted and sent overseas.

The scientists apologized for this disruption; the experiment resumed. The result, unsurprisingly, is that the subjects found it immensely more difficult to focus on the task at hand after hearing the fake news report. As Maggie Jackson says in her book, Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure, “They later reported envisioning scenes of sinking ships and marching soldiers, of being captured on a battlefield, or of escaping to Canada to avoid the draft. They were off task yet looking ahead.”

It’s an oddly validating study, given our current political situation. The Trump administration’s plan to “flood the zone” is cannibalizing our attention, creating a low hum of background anxiety.

For me, political uncertainties have been compounded by personal uncertainty. My mom has been facing declining health and has been hospitalized twice in the past two months. I reached for Uncertain in an attempt to know how to deal with these unknowns. And it’s helped…a bit? But it’s also made me think that there are two main types of uncertainty:

-Personal Uncertainty (being unsure of what to do) AND

-Global Uncertainty (being unsure of what is going to happen)

Uncertain focuses largely on the first type—exploring the value of taking the time to mull a problem, second-guess our assumptions, and even forget about the issue and come back to it later. What I wanted was something focused on this second type of uncertainty: how do I handle not knowing what will happen? How do I accept the things that are beyond my control, such as my mother’s health?

My go-to strategy in times of uncertainty is to learn as much as I can about the problem. Yes, that was me binge-watching Contagion and Station Eleven during lockdown and annoying my loved ones with all the facts I was learning about various historical plagues!

But Dr. Google couldn’t help me feel any more in control of what was going on with my mom. Living several states away made things more complicated—my calls to the nurses’ station went unanswered and, unable to speak to her care team directly, I could only argue with family members about what questions they should ask the doctors.

Part of me wanted to hop on a plane, burst through the hospital doors, and take charge of the situation. This, despite the fact that my mom and I have been estranged for several years due to her alcoholism. Still, I love her; still, I want to be her rescuer.

Like the patients in the experiment, I was preoccupied with both global and personal uncertainty—what was going to happen and how would I respond? Should I be doing more? If I knew my mom was dying, how would I behave? If I knew she’d live for another thirty years, what then?

Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard surmised, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Another saying attributed to him is that “life isn’t a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” Instead of searching for the “correct” solution to every problem, can I accept the fact that I’ll never have complete information?

It’s good to care for each other, and to strive to do right by them. Worry is, perhaps, the price we pay for caring. Perhaps a helpful reframe is seeing these problems less in terms of right/wrong and instead looking at them in terms of competing values. I want to help my mom and need to protect my peace. We may want to resist the Trump administration and need to attend to the duties of our daily lives.

May we offer ourselves compassion as we navigate these difficult choices.

BONUS MATERIALS:

-this v. on-theme video will make you cry

-Do you agree with this quote from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus?

image courtesy of Philosophy Break