I Wish You an Intentional New Year
setting our own priorities so they won't be set for us
Most people I know hate New Year’s Eve, and I can’t really blame them. It feels like one of those holidays that was made to bring out a sense of inadequacy; to me, it always feels like everyone else has cooler plans, more friends, and, let’s face it, more energy, than I do.
In the face of all this forced cheer, it can be tempting to say “to hell with it!” and just pretend the whole thing isn’t happening. But even as I have a love/hate relationship with the holiday, I do think the new year is a great time to review and reflect. And yes, theoretically, we could do this at any point during the year, but let’s be honest, how often does that actually happen?
And taking time to reflect is so important. One of the biggest a-ha moments for me last year was reading Tom Pendergast’s Substack post on “value capture”—the idea that by “game-ifying” everything, we replace our intrinsic values with the extrinsic values pushed on us by outside forces. Tom uses the example of his desire to close his rings on his Apple watch replacing his intrinsic values around exercise—something I, as a decade-long Fitbit wearer, definitely relate to!
In small doses, value capture might seem harmless. My kids and I joke about the DuoLingo owl threatening us for not practicing Spanish. But this happens on a societal level, too. Not to sound conspiratorial, but there are multiple trillion-dollar corporations investing their considerable resources to keep us passive, scrolling, consumers. They want our attention and our money, they do not care if we ever find love, community, meaning, or purpose during the 4,000 weeks we have to live.
The truth is, if we don’t define our own values, they will be defined for us. It’s going against the grain to say you don’t care about having the latest kitchen countertops or the newest car, to say you know nothing about the latest Tiktok trend. Or my personal weakness, to not self-soothe by filling up your Amazon cart.
I was doing some of this reflecting last week during our family vacation to Sayulita, Mexico. Located on the Pacific Coast, Sayulita is a mecca for surfers and yogis. Acai bowls and drapey pants abound. Our hotel had a free roof-top yoga class every morning, which I managed to wake up for exactly twice. The second time was the day we were leaving, and as my yoga teacher asked us to set an intention for the class, I thought of our busy travel day ahead and decided on “patience.”
As the sun rose and jungle birds sang, I pictured the boulders that lined the beach, how even as the waves crashed over them, they remain unmoved. As a person who tends to get tossed around on big waves of emotion, I wanted to channel more of that rock-like stability: let feelings and circumstances wash over me but remain rooted, knowing I wasn’t going to be carried away.
Later that day, as my family stood in a 45-minute airport security line (and “line” is a generous term, it was more like a security amoeba) with a sick kid and his overstuffed luggage in tow, that intention really helped me to stay grounded and not become a “Karen” even as I could see American consumer entitlement blossoming across the faces of my fellow passengers.
Setting an intention is deciding, in advance, how we want to show up in the world. It’s a way of channeling our highest selves (or our higher power) before the chaos of life sets in. And, let’s face it, we’re headed for a chaotic year.
The question is, how do you plan to show up for it?
Housekeeping Notes:
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BONUS MATERIALS:
want more reflection fodder? Here’s last year’s New Year’s post, wherein I decry intention setting as too “woo-woo.” Things change!!
How does poetry great Mary Oliver think you should spend your 4,000 weeks? watching grasshoppers, probs
I love this. So many different people and forces always trying to set our priorities for us, some of them persuasive and some sneaky and all very powerful if we let them be. Thank you for reflecting on how we resist!
that fucking duolingo owl is aggressive. and also the security amoebas are so real hahaha. but also 100%. A while back I had a little crisis and wasn't sure if my life was getting decided by me or by external pressures. i made some big changes and did some soul searching to make sure whatever path I was on was because I chose it, not because it was easy or just "there." it was so helpful honestly and I'm better for it.