Four Things I'm Doing to Stay Sane Right Now
finding hope in the midst of uncertainty
Does it feel like we’ve been stuck in a holding pattern since November? I’m limiting my national news intake and STILL all this Trump/Musk chaos manages to get to me. I want to know what’s coming. I want to batten down the hatches, know where to throw my effort so that I can help protect my community.
The Trump team has stated explicitly that their plan was to “flood the zone.” They know just how to throw enough shiny objects at us to take advantage of our attention economy. Pre-inauguration there was a ton of attention about potential mass deportations, so that’s what I prepared for, attending workshops and helping amplify info from groups like the Washington Immigrant Solidarity Network.
But the threatened raids haven’t yet materialized in my area. Instead, I’m hearing from friends whose programs are being gutted—everyone from medical and environmental researchers to one who’s been a foster mom for unaccompanied minors. It is so awful that folks who’ve devoted their lives to public service are suddenly losing their already-guaranteed funding and facing job loss. And it’s even more heartbreaking to hear about vulnerable teens who’d rather risk a life on the street than wait for ICE to come deport them from their foster homes.
Many of us are feeling overwhelmed and unsure about where to focus our efforts. We are bitterly disappointed by the election and worried that our fellow Americans are sliding towards fascism. Will our civil rights be stripped from us?
The truth is, we can’t know for sure. The future feels less certain than before. (Thanks, I hate it!) I wish I could fix everything, but I can’t.
But that doesn’t mean things are hopeless. While we can’t fix everything, there are things we can do. I remember when I first learned about America’s persistent school segregation, I was struck by the injustice of it all. I want to end racism and have America truly be a level playing field where everyone who works hard will get ahead. And that’s not the case. But I can’t end racism. What I could do was choose to send my son to our neighborhood school, even though many of the other white, middle-class parents I knew avoided it.
And that experience taught me skills I’m still using today when I’m faced with injustice. So, without further ado, here are my tips for staying sane and contributing where you can.
Tell the truth. School segregation persists because it’s protected by coded language and tacit acceptance. When parents at the playground started talking about “good schools” I started asking, “what does that mean?” Make the implicit explicit by pushing back and asking questions. Document what’s happening, even if it’s just in your journal. Hold on to the truth no matter how many people around you are believing the lie. Injustice thrives when everyone accepts it as inevitable.
Connect with others, build relationships. Sometimes I fall into the trap of being the White Savior who’s here to FIX EVERYTHING!!! But I’ve learned that instead of coming in hot with all of my BIG IDEAS, I need to stop, listen, and learn. If a solution feels completely obvious, odds are I don’t fully understand the problem. It took time for me to get to know the other parents at my kids’ school, and to earn their trust. It was up to me to introduce myself to others and show that I could be a good friend and not a judgmental outsider.
Look for opportunities to help. As you build relationships, you will come to see what’s needed. This is the difference between being an insider vs. an outsider. In my time at our school, I saw a lot of outsiders come in with ideas of what they thought we needed—ideas that bore no relationship to reality. We spent a lot of time telling well-meaning folks we didn’t want their old coats and backpacks, what we needed was help with our afterschool program.
Go where you’re needed. As I started to get to know other parents at the school, I thought I should join the PTA as the membership chair. I envisioned awesome events and huge recruitment drives—I was going to kill it as a membership chair! And then the PTA president asked me to be the secretary. Taking minutes and running votes is not glamorous, but it’s what the group needed. Sometimes community means letting go of our ambitions and taking the jobs no one wants.
As we face this time of uncertainty, I’m going to continue focusing on what I can control. I can’t end the wars in Ukraine or Gaza. I can cook dinner for a neighbor who’s going through chemo. I can’t correct all of Elon Musk’s lies. I can teach my kids the importance of truthfulness. I can donate money, attend workshops and protests, and take good care of myself so that I can be ready for further action as needed.
How are you handling all this uncertainty? As a certified control freak, I’d like to spend March learning more about uncertainty and how to handle it. Do you have tips or resources about uncertainty? Or organizations you’re supporting during this administration? I’d love to see your recommendations in the comments!
BONUS MATERIALS:
wanting to build community but not sure how? This video is actually really helpful
speaking of deportations, here’s a good article on what’s going on with that
Here’s a little satire just for funs!
This is such a good insight! When things feel so dire, it can be hard to tap into curiosity, but refraining from snap judgement creates more space for understanding. I'll have to check that book out, thanks!
It’s so hard to know what to do - I’m right there with you.
On a practical level, I think the connection thing and pushing back against the white savior narrative is key for me - I am SO easily snared by daydreaming about how I could fix it all and it’s such a false god! So I’m motivated to stay involved in community groups (while maybe shifting *which* groups a bit), do things that maintain/build relationships (personal/otherwise) and am going to take your comment about listening to heart - really hearing what people have to say.
Another one for me is just trying to only share what I think is helpful, truthful information and to be more assertive in labeling lies.
Philosophically, I think my current touchstone is this quote, attributed to Simone Weil:
> Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.
Like - it makes sense to me now in a way that it never did before? Seeing how awful it is when people choose to seek power, money and influence at all costs; when they are motivated exclusively by their own self-interest — has really made it clear to me that one of my most important responsibilities as a human on earth is to NOT be that, and to instead, pursue the kind of goodness that Weil is describing. Or, as my therapist is fond of saying, to “not lose my humanity.”