A Roadmap for Processing Religious Trauma

an interview with Dr. Marlene Winell, who coined the term "religious trauma syndrome"

image courtesy of journeyfree.org

If you have left a controlling religion, or transitioned from one belief system to another, it can be hard to find space to process what happened. Even most non-religious people seem to assume that religion (and Christianity in particular) is a benign force. Religion is viewed as a private choice, a “whatever gets you through the night” sort of thing. Many people can’t imagine that religion itself can be a source of trauma. Unfortunately, this is also true for many therapists. Patients seeking help to recover from harmful religious experiences often find therapists to be either unfamiliar with their religion or defensive of religious practices.

Dr. Marlene Winell wants to change that. A psychologist by training and an Assemblies of God missionary kid by upbringing, her 1993 book, Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving their Religion brought both clinical expertise and the understanding of a former insider to bear on the issue of recovering from religious trauma. I was lucky enough to sit down with Dr. Winell for a recent Zoom interview.

Even through my computer screen, Dr. Winell exudes a calm presence. She listens carefully, and although I’m interviewing her, she manages to ask a few questions about my background. Between her gentle tone and the familiar format, I have to remind myself we’re not in a therapy session—I resist the urge to spill my guts, keeping my focus on my prepared questions.

We talked about the phases of recovery from a controlling religion. Were they linear, or more akin to the Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle? Winell emphasized the back-and-forth nature of processing religious experiences. Even after someone intellectually rejects the doctrines of original sin and the existence of hell, the accompanying guilt and fear can feel impossible to shake off. These feelings are normal, Dr. Winell stresses, because “a lot of this indoctrination is subconscious.”

She explained, “Fundamentalist Christianity teaches you two big assumptions: one is that you're not okay—you’re born bad…The other is you're not safe. You have to be afraid of going to hell, afraid of evil…in a sense, afraid of yourself, because you, yourself, can’t be trusted.”

Because these beliefs are so fundamental to identity and worldview (particularly if you were born and raised in the religion) it takes a long time to unlearn these responses. It’s common to be triggered long after leaving a religion; recovery can be a lifelong process.

Leaving the Fold lays out a roadmap to starting to recover from religious trauma. Dr. Winell writes, “Becoming whole, healthy, and self-responsible involves two parts, What happened? and So what?” She urges readers to explore their early life experiences and their religious upbringing and think about how those experiences effect their current lives.

This can be a daunting task. When I first encountered Leaving the Fold a few years ago, the book was very triggering for me. In reading the examples, I could often feel myself going into a fight-or-flight response. Intentionally remembering and thinking through or journaling about painful events can feel like dousing a raw wound with rubbing alcohol.

Another complicating factor in the picture of religious trauma is that it often ties into other types of unmet childhood needs.

“The church will offer themselves as an alternative kind of family,” Winell explained. “They use words like ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ for church members. In the Catholic church it’s ‘father’ for priests. It's like an alternate family. If somebody is not in a very happy family, it's a relief to have this organization provide for some of those needs. They seem to fulfill some of those needs like belonging, for being with a group of caring people.”

But the key word here is seem—they seem to fulfill some of those needs. When families aren’t willing or able to provide adequate nurturing, the church can step into a familial role. In the worst cases, children can be vulnerable to emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. But even in the best cases, the relationships of the “church family” are usually predicated on a certain set of beliefs and behaviors. These relationships can’t fulfill our universal need for unconditional love because the love of the church family almost always comes with strings attached.

Just as being raised in a dysfunctional family can leave children seeking nurturing from the church, healthy families can mitigate the harmful effects of bad theology.

“The other thing about families is that they can mediate the effect of the church, too, like helping a child understand and emphasize the love of God instead of Hellfire. They can mediate some of the trauma and how they interpret the religion that kids are getting,” Winell elaborated.

Facing religious trauma can feel like “getting the rug ripped out from under you,” Winell sympathized. The good news? You don’t have to go through it alone. Recent years have seen a spiking interest in religious trauma, both among patients and therapists. Dr. Winell’s organization, Journey Free, offers virtual small group and one-on-one counseling sessions for those recovering from religious trauma, along with in-person retreats. She trains mental health professionals in special topics related to religious trauma and is regularly consulted for research into this burgeoning issue.

As to first steps in recovery, Winell touts Journey Free’s free consultations, along with a free hotline run by Recovering from Religion. In addition to the original book, there’s also a Leaving the Fold Workbook available online.

As for me, I was pleasantly surprised at the absence of triggers as I re-read Leaving the Fold prior to our interview. Disinfecting these spiritual wounds is a painful, but ultimately healing process. I feel lucky enough to have enough experience and support in trauma recovery to have faith that this journey will be worthwhile.

*Quotes have been lightly edited for clarity and length.

Journal/Discussion Questions

• What’s your gut reaction to Dr. Winell’s assertion about fundamentalist Christianity’s “two big assumptions”? Does it ring true to you?

• Do your head and your heart agree on religious/spiritual questions?

• Who has the most embarrassing childhood, on average: missionary’s kids, pastor’s kids, or Christian puppeteer kids?