I worked with my therapist on preparing for time with my family this thanksgiving. I visualized myself showing up in the ways I wanted to, and I also played through what I feared would happen and how I wanted to respond. I think overall it helped. I still wasn't able to respond like I wanted to, for the main thing I expected would happen (and happened exactly as I anticipated), but I gave myself kindness upon reflection and accepted my response as the best I could do in the circumstances (I think the response I wanted was a 'magic words' type thing which would keep me safe from this unsafe person and possibly cause them to change, which is absolutely not going to happen except from the inside of them).
I also gave myself permission to grieve afterwards for what a younger part of me still wishes it could have had or could have now with them, and to recognize the parts of the gathering that did go well, and to remind all parts of myself that I'm going to continue being that caring parent figure to them: they don't need to look to my actual parents for that.
Good job getting yourself ready and practicing that self-compassion. Your experience is very relatable. It makes me think of that adage, "Don't go to the hardware store for milk." It's such a hard lesson to learn, but ultimately, it makes us stronger, happier people.
There are magic words that,with practice,can defuse most of these and lead to a learning experience. A simple-you might be right,often allows the air to clear.
I know I'm very late to the party, but I rock the bathroom hideout! I rock it so much my family is rather worried about my GI system. Oops.
LOL! Yes, cultivate an air of mystery --GI mystery, that is
I worked with my therapist on preparing for time with my family this thanksgiving. I visualized myself showing up in the ways I wanted to, and I also played through what I feared would happen and how I wanted to respond. I think overall it helped. I still wasn't able to respond like I wanted to, for the main thing I expected would happen (and happened exactly as I anticipated), but I gave myself kindness upon reflection and accepted my response as the best I could do in the circumstances (I think the response I wanted was a 'magic words' type thing which would keep me safe from this unsafe person and possibly cause them to change, which is absolutely not going to happen except from the inside of them).
I also gave myself permission to grieve afterwards for what a younger part of me still wishes it could have had or could have now with them, and to recognize the parts of the gathering that did go well, and to remind all parts of myself that I'm going to continue being that caring parent figure to them: they don't need to look to my actual parents for that.
Good job getting yourself ready and practicing that self-compassion. Your experience is very relatable. It makes me think of that adage, "Don't go to the hardware store for milk." It's such a hard lesson to learn, but ultimately, it makes us stronger, happier people.
There are magic words that,with practice,can defuse most of these and lead to a learning experience. A simple-you might be right,often allows the air to clear.
This is a great list - and that sparkling water video 🤣🤣