Raccoons, you say? I’m intrigued by your question about whether exvangelicals face more fears. Is it encoded early? So interesting to ponder. Thanks for all of this.
I look forward to this series. I can add lots of other fears to the list that show up in my congregation. Fear of being disliked, of any kind of conflict, of growing old and losing mental capacity, being irrelevant, too much change. It could go on and on.
As an ex-evangelical male, I don't particularly experience fear in the way that you've written about here. But I totally agree that fear might be socialized.
Your list of fears reminds me of something my wife would write. The concerns for the future, the state of the world, and how our boys may or may not resist cultural currents--these are things she's more likely to fret about. I don't think fearing them is necessarily useful to her, but, conversely, I do think they're reflective of a way she's a better, less selfish, more empathetic and future-oriented person than I am, which might partly be related to differences in male-female socialization. Connecting it back to my post--it's almost like her fears for the future and the world are a part of that unequally distributed mental load...
that's such an interesting connection! Some fears (like sexual violence) I'd figured are more gendered, but I hadn't thought about the parenting fears being unequally distributed.
He may identify as exvangelical -- I knew him briefly in the 90s when we were both summer interns at a progressive evangelical (is that a thing? I don't know -- it was all the good parts, like taking really seriously the stuff about loving neighbors and doing justice) ministry for kids in New Jersey.
I'm especially interested in your question, how do we avoid being paralyzed by fear? To me, that is one of the most damaging parts of fear, how it steals energy from everything good.
Dude. This post came on the same morning that I was in full catastrophic meltdown on my way to work - driving and looking utterly fine and capable on the outside, while melting down on the inside. Everything feels so shakey and glitchy and sweaty. Ugh. I took some deep breaths before I went in to work, made sure to drink lots of water, and basically just zoned out. Now I’m headed home to … ? Maybe I’ll try to a reiki meditation or just eat some lunch and watch light hearted tv til my kids get home? I’m not sure. Usually moving my body helps so maybe I’ll try a walk later, but whew - even after years of this work it can still sneak up on you.
I feel you, Lindsey! I think you've got some good strategies here. Just recognizing the fear and trying to soothe it (while hopefully being compassionate towards yourself) seems like a good direction to go.
I share your curiosity about what healthy caution looks like vs unhelpful anxiety. And about what it might look like to befriend our fears. Look forward to hearing more of your thoughts!
Raccoons, you say? I’m intrigued by your question about whether exvangelicals face more fears. Is it encoded early? So interesting to ponder. Thanks for all of this.
Have you ever seen raccoons break into a chicken coop? TERRIFYING.
I look forward to this series. I can add lots of other fears to the list that show up in my congregation. Fear of being disliked, of any kind of conflict, of growing old and losing mental capacity, being irrelevant, too much change. It could go on and on.
oooh those are some good ones! Fear of conflict is definitely a big one for me, too.
As an ex-evangelical male, I don't particularly experience fear in the way that you've written about here. But I totally agree that fear might be socialized.
Your list of fears reminds me of something my wife would write. The concerns for the future, the state of the world, and how our boys may or may not resist cultural currents--these are things she's more likely to fret about. I don't think fearing them is necessarily useful to her, but, conversely, I do think they're reflective of a way she's a better, less selfish, more empathetic and future-oriented person than I am, which might partly be related to differences in male-female socialization. Connecting it back to my post--it's almost like her fears for the future and the world are a part of that unequally distributed mental load...
Also, the video you linked to is great.
that's such an interesting connection! Some fears (like sexual violence) I'd figured are more gendered, but I hadn't thought about the parenting fears being unequally distributed.
Great questions, Katy. And it's stirring up memories of a book I've been meaning to read for a while now, Gareth Higgins' How Not To Be Afraid.
https://www.hownottobeafraid.com
He may identify as exvangelical -- I knew him briefly in the 90s when we were both summer interns at a progressive evangelical (is that a thing? I don't know -- it was all the good parts, like taking really seriously the stuff about loving neighbors and doing justice) ministry for kids in New Jersey.
I'm especially interested in your question, how do we avoid being paralyzed by fear? To me, that is one of the most damaging parts of fear, how it steals energy from everything good.
Yes, fear, like hopelessness, can be so paralyzing. How do we keep moving forward? I’ll be pondering that one.
And thanks for this rec, it looks great!
Dude. This post came on the same morning that I was in full catastrophic meltdown on my way to work - driving and looking utterly fine and capable on the outside, while melting down on the inside. Everything feels so shakey and glitchy and sweaty. Ugh. I took some deep breaths before I went in to work, made sure to drink lots of water, and basically just zoned out. Now I’m headed home to … ? Maybe I’ll try to a reiki meditation or just eat some lunch and watch light hearted tv til my kids get home? I’m not sure. Usually moving my body helps so maybe I’ll try a walk later, but whew - even after years of this work it can still sneak up on you.
I feel you, Lindsey! I think you've got some good strategies here. Just recognizing the fear and trying to soothe it (while hopefully being compassionate towards yourself) seems like a good direction to go.
I share your curiosity about what healthy caution looks like vs unhelpful anxiety. And about what it might look like to befriend our fears. Look forward to hearing more of your thoughts!
Thanks, Liz!