When I was a very evangelical teen, I used to make fun of people who invented little rituals for themselves. A prime candidate was my friend’s “spiritual but not religious” aunt who was always coming up with interesting things to do with bowls and talking about various “energies.” So, of course, in my late thirties, I am now the weird aunt. (If the universe is out to teach me one lesson, it’s that if I judge other people, I will soon find myself in the circumstances of needing to do that weird behavior I’d judged.) I have always loved rituals, and now am fully in favor of adapting existing rituals or just DIYing it.
So, since Christmas is over and we’re smack dab in the middle of The Big Dark, I thought I’d share my favorite New Year’s ritual, which I call “Burning the Year’s Worries.”
The idea is simple: designate a container and whenever you have a worry or fear, write it on a slip of paper and put it in a “God Box” (or rename the box as you see fit.) When the urge to ruminate on that anxiety comes up, gently remind yourself that you have turned it over to God or, if you don’t believe in God, admitted powerlessness in this area, and that worrying over things outside your control is a waste of energy. Save these slips of paper up for a whole year, then, on New Year’s, take them out, read, and burn them.
This ritual is helpful on several levels. For one, writing down worries is a proven way to keep yourself from ruminating about them. Secondly, it helps you identify what’s in your control versus out of your control. For example, the first year I did this exercise, I noticed that I was spending many sleepless nights ruminating on a conflict with my manager at the time. In order to get some sleep, I spent time before bed journaling about the problem and coming up actions I could take: communicate clearly what I needed in order to do my job, maintain professional boundaries, record any incidents of her unprofessional behavior towards me, and come up with a plan to complain to her boss and/or make an exit plan. Things I could not control: whether she sent me weird texts in the middle of the night and whether or not she paid me on time. (Seriously!) Those things I could not control went into The God Box. The box did not fix the situation for me, but it helped me gain clarity about when to move on.
What I like about reviewing the worries at year’s end is that it puts things in perspective. By the following December, my scary decision to leave that job was vindicated. I also found a slip of paper which read, “will my kids EVER go back to school?" (this was scrawled during the previous January’s long run of snow days.) What had felt like a HUGE PROBLEM at the time didn’t end up mattering much in the course of a year.
Then there are big problems which warrant a dozen or more entries into The God Box, like a family member’s health—small questions might be answered by year’s end, while big questions are left unresolved. This ritual reminds me, even as I am tempted to plot the perfect intervention, that I don’t have control over this person.
For my God Box, I chose a picture of the comedian Maria Bamford, from her excellent web series, Ave Maria Bamford. Bamford’s comedy often discusses her diagnoses and 12-step memberships. She once joked that a piece of pepperoni pizza was her higher power, so she felt like an appropriate choice of adornment.
If you’re prone to rumination and anxiety, why not get a little crafty and make yourself a God/The Universe/Whatever Box. Also, I’d love to hear if you have any DIY rituals, especially around the New Year. Let me know in the comments!
ALSO, I’d like to ask you a favor. It’s a 3-question, 1-minute survey to tell me about what you’d like to see from Heretic Hereafter in the next year. This information will help me as I plan for the future of this space. You can take that survey here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/HQWNTYD
Wishing you the joy and health in the new year!