I really appreciate how much you wrestle with giving your "surly almost-teen" (lol) space to forge a kind of individual pathway through spirituality/non-existence you while also creating a platform for kids to juggle what it means to be part of a spiritual community. Also take me back to a time when I couldn't tell you the difference between a Saturday and a Sunday.
I love the juxtaposition of you wanting to become a Broadway actress (did that happen???) and your son wanting to become a Ranger. Also, no cap, I don't get flavored seltzer.
But seriously:
We've got several years before we face this again, but I'm wondering how our experience of adopting tweens will inform this journey for Erica and me. Our then-tweens came to us with formed personalities and beliefs. We went to church twice a week whereas they, kinda like your confirmands, had never heard of Jesus before, and we suddenly had to navigate respecting their spiritual autonomy while also considering the life of our family or how and what we would choose to model. It was tricky, and I don't have a clue how we did, but it felt very different than the full-scale brainwash mode we're in now with our littles.
Also, one of the kids in our son's confirmation class talked about being an atheist during his presentation!
I can imagine this is much more complicated when you have older adopted kids! I'll be curious to hear how confirmation goes for y'all with your youngest.
Love it. Our younger son made the same declaration when he was doing confirmation. No party, and no adapted service; he just wanted to be true to himself rather than “faking it.” Respecting that was a first step towards developing a more adult relationship with him.
Oof, I can see how it might be two very different things to believe in your kids' spiritual autonomy in theory and then to actually be confronted by some choices/beliefs you didn't hope for and figure out how provide support and guidance anyway. I love getting this window into your journey. And it sounds like you're doing great.
Also omg/lol (just to keep Millennial-speak alive) at "Our confirmands didn’t know what day church was on and whether or not Jesus had lived to see old age, but they were certain that God is nonbinary and that God cares about things like homelessness and climate change." Maybe the kids are okay?
Yeah, it was really surprising to hear what they didn't know. (One girl: "Jesus was MURDERED???? WHY???) but they are absorbing some good values despite our deficiencies :)
I had no idea how to handle this. We had raised our son simply to be non-judgmental and he went to Sunday school without any obligation to go. As a teen, he had not gone to church for a few years, but imagine our surprise when our pastor asked him if he wanted to attend confirmation classes and he said yes! He even got baptised as an adult. He is still an agnostic, but I hope he does not have too negative view of the church. Of course, the MAGA evangelicals do not help the church's reputation.
sounds like you did a great job supporting him! The farther I get in this journey, the more I appreciate the honesty of agnosticism. None of us really knows, right?
I'm so sorry for what you went through. I think a lot of our parents weren't equipped to guide us to spiritual maturity, unfortunately. Hope you're in a more supported place now.
I really appreciate how much you wrestle with giving your "surly almost-teen" (lol) space to forge a kind of individual pathway through spirituality/non-existence you while also creating a platform for kids to juggle what it means to be part of a spiritual community. Also take me back to a time when I couldn't tell you the difference between a Saturday and a Sunday.
Thanks, Sam! And yeah, these kids obviously have never experienced the Sunday scaries
Of course I’m flattered to be name checked but the story so beautiful and thoughtful and made me tear up at the end
Thank you!!
I love the juxtaposition of you wanting to become a Broadway actress (did that happen???) and your son wanting to become a Ranger. Also, no cap, I don't get flavored seltzer.
But seriously:
We've got several years before we face this again, but I'm wondering how our experience of adopting tweens will inform this journey for Erica and me. Our then-tweens came to us with formed personalities and beliefs. We went to church twice a week whereas they, kinda like your confirmands, had never heard of Jesus before, and we suddenly had to navigate respecting their spiritual autonomy while also considering the life of our family or how and what we would choose to model. It was tricky, and I don't have a clue how we did, but it felt very different than the full-scale brainwash mode we're in now with our littles.
Also, one of the kids in our son's confirmation class talked about being an atheist during his presentation!
I can imagine this is much more complicated when you have older adopted kids! I'll be curious to hear how confirmation goes for y'all with your youngest.
Love it. Our younger son made the same declaration when he was doing confirmation. No party, and no adapted service; he just wanted to be true to himself rather than “faking it.” Respecting that was a first step towards developing a more adult relationship with him.
thanks for this perspective! It's good to hear how things are going further down the road
Oof, I can see how it might be two very different things to believe in your kids' spiritual autonomy in theory and then to actually be confronted by some choices/beliefs you didn't hope for and figure out how provide support and guidance anyway. I love getting this window into your journey. And it sounds like you're doing great.
Also omg/lol (just to keep Millennial-speak alive) at "Our confirmands didn’t know what day church was on and whether or not Jesus had lived to see old age, but they were certain that God is nonbinary and that God cares about things like homelessness and climate change." Maybe the kids are okay?
Yeah, it was really surprising to hear what they didn't know. (One girl: "Jesus was MURDERED???? WHY???) but they are absorbing some good values despite our deficiencies :)
Oh my gosh, here comes my ugly cry. This is pretty similar to where my kids are at, and I so appreciate this example.
Thanks, Beth. Hang in there! It's tough but I'll bet you're doing a great job.
Love part 2. And in a lot of ways, I strive to be a NPC, but with the potential to bust out and do something.
Seriously, this is so good. And reminds me that I might have been an overly controlling parent. Which indeed, would be major cringe.
You and Ryan sound like you’re doing it right.
Thanks, Lori. You're a great dog mom :)
I had no idea how to handle this. We had raised our son simply to be non-judgmental and he went to Sunday school without any obligation to go. As a teen, he had not gone to church for a few years, but imagine our surprise when our pastor asked him if he wanted to attend confirmation classes and he said yes! He even got baptised as an adult. He is still an agnostic, but I hope he does not have too negative view of the church. Of course, the MAGA evangelicals do not help the church's reputation.
sounds like you did a great job supporting him! The farther I get in this journey, the more I appreciate the honesty of agnosticism. None of us really knows, right?
You did such a great job navigating this!
Also, I feel SO old when my tween talks like that. :)
Thanks, Diana! And yes, we need a Millennial -> Gen Alpha translator STAT!
I was that.
I can still vividly see, 50 some years later, my mom throwing her hands up and proclaiming
"You're not taking this very seriously!!!!!!"
as she stormed from the room.
Very dramatic.
I'm so sorry for what you went through. I think a lot of our parents weren't equipped to guide us to spiritual maturity, unfortunately. Hope you're in a more supported place now.