When I set aside the month of March to write about religious trauma, I couldn't have imagined how much my month would revolve around this topic. Of course, I was seeking out research and experts to interview, but beyond that, religious trauma popped up in casual conversations with friends and even relative strangers. The harmful effects of religion don’t get as much airtime as its upsides, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Religious trauma, I’ve learned, is shockingly common. There are even drag shows about it.
Flamy Grant is “a shame-slaying, hip-swaying, singing-songwriting drag queen from the Bible Belt.” I was lucky enough to catch the final night of her tour with folk duo Story & Tune at Seattle’s iconic Central Saloon this past Sunday, where she generously granted me a pre-show interview.
Matthew Blake, a.k.a. Flamy Grant, grew up gay in the ultra-conservative Plymouth Brethren church. Their story includes Christian college, conversion therapy, working as a music minister, and coming out. A lifelong performer, when the pandemic struck and music venues shuttered, Blake began experimenting with drag, and Flamy Grant was born.
“[Flamy] is obviously a character; I also see her as an extension of myself and my personality that I haven’t been able to tap into since I was a kid,” Flamy explained as we sat at the bar. “Because I was the kid who would clomp around in his mom’s heels and got in trouble for ruining her lipstick tubes. Then that got banned and squashed out of me…I see my drag as inner child work.”
Evangelicalism’s strict gender roles serve as an inspiration for Flamy Grant. “My mission is to take the piss out of it. Take the fear out of it.” This message of rejecting fear and shame was a thread that ran throughout the show. “A Million Ways to Cry in the West” brought both the humor you’d expect from drag along with earnest reflections on shame and religious trauma. Flamy shared the stage with Story & Tune, alternating cheeky numbers like “Esther, Ruth, and Rahab,” with soulful ballads and, of course, an Amy Grant cover.
Drag queens are typically known for lipsyncing or comedy, but Flamy has the pipes to pull off Amy Grant’s oeuvre with ease. The trio of musicians (including Story & Tune) blended beautiful harmonies and nailed high notes with ease as they accompanied themselves with guitar and keyboard. The set up was somewhat reminiscent of a worship band. This did not go unremarked upon, with Flamy joking at one point, “One thing about worship pastors is we know how to manipulate you.”
Manipulation or not, the performance was moving. At one point I clocked several people near me crying, and during the final number, “Good Day,” I felt a spiritual high like I hadn’t in years, giving in to the urge to raise my hands like a charismatic.
“Good Day” is a homecoming anthem for those who’ve been excluded or marginalized by the church. The chorus soars with tight harmonies:
It’s a good day to come back home
You sent me away but I was never alone
You were afraid there was not enough
But you can’t run out of love
So I’m here to stay and I’m sitting in the front row
It’s a good day to come out of the shadow
God made me good in every way
So I raise my voice to celebrate a good day
As I listened, I remembered that Hillary McBride quote: “Spiritual trauma is someone handing you an inner critic and telling you it’s the voice of God.” I thought about how Satan is sometimes referred to in the Bible as “the accuser” and the “Good Day” lyric “you’re not the keeper of the pearly gate.” This is a song that reminds us we can fight for our place in the church, be we gay, straight, or trans, believers, doubters, or skeptics. We don’t have to settle for being silenced. It’s not someone else’s place to tell us we don’t belong. If we want it, it’s ours for the taking. We just have to believe in our own worthiness.
On an episode of The Fagnostic Podcast, Flamy put it this way: “Depravity is the biggest lie the church ever sold us, because that’s what keeps us tethered to the pew. If we believe that about ourselves, then we believe that we need whatever product this organization is offering. It’s marketing 101.”
My evening with Flamy Grant was very inspirational. Her music tapped into a dormant part of me that does long to go “home” to the church. Queer Christians like Flamy Grant have so much to teach us about self-love and overcoming shame. They show us that we can reject the lie that we’re inherently bad or broken. We can find people who share our experiences and who will help us grow without shaming us. We can take the piss out of things that scare us and look fabulous doing it.
Flamy Grant’s newest album, Bible Belt Baby is available now.
*Quotes lightly edited for clarity and length.
Journal/Discussion Questions
Do you have outer or inner critics who tell you you’re not good enough? What do they sound like? Give them a nickname that makes you laugh.
Where’s the “home” you’d like to return to? What/who is stopping you?
What would your drag name be?
Is it too much of a spoiler reveal to find out which Amy Grant song was covered?
Happy to read this.