If there’s one thing I’m learning from dipping my toe into the world of woo woo, it’s that coincidences are ripe for interpretation. Is it a sign? Or just confirmation bias? Either way, I’m trying to pay more attention to these coincidences.
One such incident was last June, when two different poets (Ally Ang and Amanda Johnston) talked to me about their spiritual practices of speaking with their ancestors. When I thought about spiritual rituals I wanted to explore, connecting with my ancestors was top of mind. But I had questions, chiefly, what about the less-than-great ancestors? When a brief obsession with tracing my genealogy started turning up one Confederate tombstone after another, I began to suspect that some ancestors are best left forgotten. I wondered whether the urge to commune with the ancestors came from an assumption that families were universally a loving and positive experience? Or perhaps the misguided notion that we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead?
Ancestor veneration is, perhaps, one of humanity’s oldest forms of religion. In his excellent, God: A Human History, Reza Aslan traces the practice back to the paleolithic era, when humans began burying their dead rather than leaving them exposed to the elements. It could be argued that most of the world’s religions continue ancestor veneration in some form or another, whether it’s done by building a family altar, cleaning and decorating graves, or praying to saints. The period from October 31st-November 2nd is noted by a few religions as a time that the spirits of the dead can revisit the living. In Mexico and Central America, this is Día de los Muertos. In Celtic Paganism, it’s Samhain, and many Christian churches mark these as All Saint’s and All Soul’s Days. What better time to learn to venerate my ancestors?
I picked up a copy of Ancestral Magic by Kirsten Riddle on a jaunt through noted witch emporium The Atlantis Bookshop in London. What sold me was a chapter entitled, “Ancestral Karma and How to Work with It.”
Ancestral Magic is a very pretty book, chock full of elaborate colored illustrations by Gina Rosas Moncada. Each chapter introduces a different magical concept, gives instructions for meditation exercises or magical rituals, and provides a few pages to journal about what you’re learning. The tone, like much witch-adjacent media I’ve recently encountered, is very self-help oriented. It feels more pseudo-therapy and less wands and cackling? (If I could perform *real* magic, I would be cackle A LOT.)
The first thing I learned about performing ancestral magic is that it involves some serious shopping. To perform most of the rituals you’ll need a good supply of various crystals, essential oils, and appropriately colored candles. (Per Riddle, each color has different “properties.”) She also recommends heirlooms, photos, a mirror, and a meditation mat. I dug around in my kids’ toy basket for their hunk of amethyst but soon gave up. I had red candles and white candles to hand; they would have to do. I hoped my ancestors would approve of my thriftiness and bless me with their presence.
I laid out some photos of my deceased grandmothers, a set of great-grandparents, and a photo of the tombstone of my great-great-grandmother who was the subject of family lore for her young and tragic death. (Shoutout to ancestry.com for photos and gravesite info.) Lighting my red candle, I tried to channel the voices of the dead. I felt vaguely positive and imagined that my foremothers would probably be amazed at the ease and convenience of my life, along with how many rights I enjoy. The burst of gratitude was a plus, if not a very magical experience.
The karma chapter was pretty disappointing, TBH. While it talks about reflecting on and unlearning self-limiting beliefs, it shies away from more serious harms our ancestors may have committed: abuse, neglect, racism, and oppression. I performed the “Cutting the Ties” ritual (meant to cleanse my ancestors’ karma) but it felt wholly inadequate. I would’ve loved to see Riddle talking about performing acts of reparation. How many of us have inherited ill-gotten gains? What would justice look like as we reckon with our ancestral and national sins?
The trouble is, not all our ancestors are worth celebrating. I have one grandmother whom I miss dearly and one who was not a very nice person. I love them both, but I can’t imagine appealing to the latter for any sort of advice or comfort. Riddle insists,
“When we pass on to the next realm, we too are making a spiritual journey. We become more enlightened and have the opportunity to help those we have left behind, whether that’s by steering them in the right direction or sending powerful healing to help them create positive energy.”
Riddle’s confidence notwithstanding, I’m pretty skeptical about the existence of an afterlife, let alone my crazy Memaw being newly enlightened by crossing into it.
But maybe the beauty of playing with candles and crystals is that there is no real orthodoxy around it. You can take the meditation and warm fuzzies where you can get them and leave the rest. I think I probably will do some sort of ritual on All Soul’s Day/Samhain, because I like to remember my favorite grandmother. I doubt I’ll experience any magic, but maybe I’ll dream about her.
If Ancestral Magic has left me with one lesson, it’s that it behooves us all to work towards being the kind of ancestors our descendants will be proud of.
Do you talk to or otherwise honor your ancestors? Do you have any rituals around this? Feel free to share in the comments so we can all learn from each other.
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I haven’t “communed” with any ancestors, but we have started making an ancestor altar mid-October thru All Saints’ Day and I love getting the photos out with my kids each year and having them know these family members (and name sakes) a little better. We put out flowers and light candles and it’s just a really lovely way to lean into the spirit of the spooky season. I really appreciate Amanda Yates Garcia’s work (her Substack is mystery cult) because she is very sensitive & aware of generational trauma & systemic issues - same for Jessica lanyadoo.
I inherited ancestor veneration from my Japanese heritage. My grandmother had a shrine to my grandfather accompanied with photos, incense, and fruit offerings. There is very little dogma in Shinto. Most of the "worship" is ritual motions combined with a sense of filial piety. I don't practice ancestor veneration now, but I do appreciate its value in Japanese society. It brings the people (ancestors and descendants) together. Perhaps you don't need to have the crystals and candles, but simply just remember the grandmother that you loved. And maybe even say a little prayer... ;-)